How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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