thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He has the fingertips of a God
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
