There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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