Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
