If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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