Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
