im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
