i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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