this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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