Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
