Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
