Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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