btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize