I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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