dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
