K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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