The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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