I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
