I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
