My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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