HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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