The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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