bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
