She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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