So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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