just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
