it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
