i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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