My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
