I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize