he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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