I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
