I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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