The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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