Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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