just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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