I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
