You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
