exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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