maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
