woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
