It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
