Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
