I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
