I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
