i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If that was your dad, he is hot
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
