This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
