I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
