you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
