gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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