I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
