I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
