i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize