Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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