Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
