You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
