Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize