I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
