new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
