Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
