Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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