I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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