wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
