Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
