We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
