Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
ok first of all what the fuck
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize