I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
