So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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