yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
